We began “The Drive” from Crater Lake at 7:30am and finished at the Craters of the Moon KOA in Idaho at 7:30pm (with a 1-hour time change), thus opening and closing the longest drive of the trip with craters. The motion sickness and weariness that come with this kind of drive were amplified, in a way, by featureless scenery—up until about the last hour or so. In southeast Oregon, dense trees gave way to straight-up farmland. In southwestern Idaho, Oregon’s corn and onions were replaced by berries and potatoes. The flatness of it all was unexpected.
We made the most of our drive. How many states have capitals that happen to be their largest cities? We know now. Would this number happen to be greater than the number of states with professional football teams? We know that now too (to spare you the suspense: no). Perhaps out of a desire to relive childhood memories, or maybe just sheer boredom, I deliberately chose and ate more gas station junk food today than on all other days combined. To reinforce the mood, I also listened to “junk” music while driving, some of it with Leo. While Eva and Art improved themselves by listening to Lassoing the Sun, by Mark Woods, Leo and I listened to Enter the 36 Chambers by the Wu Tang Clan. For those thinking of trying this with their own kids at home, of the 14 tracks, only track 10 (“Protect Ya Neck”) is even remotely safe for kids. Of course, Leo made me sample each and every one of the tracks until floods of curse words emerged. Some songs lasted only a few seconds before my censor buzzer kicked in. Hip-hop hilarity. For Leo this was like watching 13 rated-R movies in a row.
Continuing with the “junk” theme: now that we’ve seen a few of the hassles that go with the national parks, we found it pretty easy to come up with names for new national parks that nobody would want to go to. Here’s our list. Which is your favorite? (like I said, we were punch drunk and had nearly 12 hours to kill):
- Tiny Tree Stumps National Park
- Diseased Pines National Park
- Avalanche National Park
- Slippery Rocks National Park
- Obscured View National Park
- Free Range Grizzlies National Park
- Tornadoes National Park
- Tourists National Park
- Quicksand National Park
- Switchbacks National Park
- Beehives National Park
- Snow Piles National Park
- Mosquito Paradise National Park
- Toddler Tantrums National Park
- Rock Sliding National Park
- Soggy Meadows National Park
- Visitor Centers National Park
- Coal Ash National Park
- Invasive Species National Park
- Big Barnacles National Park
- Taco-Shaped Canyons National Park
- Ranger Tombstones National Park
- Crop Circles National Park
- Collapsing Cave National Park
- Swiss Cheese Hills National Park
- Yellow Snow National Park
The last hour, as Eva was driving, boring scenery yielded to scenery that seemed straight out of a moonscape, or maybe a CGI Star Wars landscape. The flora-less hills and solid black rocks reminded me of Iceland, but there was more texture to the profile of all the hills and mountains. The jagged ones in the background were some of the sharpest I’ve ever seen. This was a desolate landscape and not a soul was to be spotted on the roads. Of all the places we’ve visited, including Utah, this would probably have been the worst place to get stranded.
We were happy and somewhat surprised, in the end, to pull into a totally welcoming, fully wi-fi equipped, flat, green, well-appointed RV park here in Arco, Idaho—home of the country’s first nuclear plant. Hit a nice pool, chatted up some women from CA and a family from the Netherlands before relaxing at the picnic table with our latest, patent-pending camping hack: ramen noodles boiled with chicken and mushrooms: the taste-to-prep time ratio here is totally off the charts. Concluded the long day with a breezy evening stroll by the pale rose light of sunset, a game of Star Wars trivia, and a late-night showing of Ladyhawke—the most stylish of all the 80s D&D wannabe movies.
BaresNation 
The list of national parks is hilarious. While I very much like Visitor Centers NP for some reason I laughed the hardest at Taco-Shaped Canyons NP.
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Even the long, tiring days of driving are fun when you get creative, and it sounds like you did. I can just picture Leo laughing his head off at those tracks. Love the list of Nat’l Parks and I think my favorite is Toddler Tantrum’s. Looking forward to your next blog.
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Shoot – I wish I had talked geology/geomorphology with you before you did that drive or given you our Northwest Roadside Geology book – the original of that series and written by our professors. I also took my first and only petrology class with that area as my learning lab. The rocks are awesome AND it is an epic landscape! I am not sure if you were south of this…possibly…but a huge glacial arm around Sandpoint, ID melted and Glacial Lake Missoula flooded out all the way across to the ocean — leaving rocks, scour marks, and HUGE ripples the size of houses. If you know what you are looking for, it blows your mind when you see them. See: http://www.glaciallakemissoula.org/virtualtour/index.html
In any case, paying attention to the the cool rocks and amazing geomorphological features will get you through that long, flat ride on the other side of the Rockies, too!
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Also: http://geology.isu.edu/Digital_Geology_Idaho/Module2/mod2.htm
🙂 I wish we were with you!!!!
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Thanks for the Lassoing the Sun recommendation on your booklist – I read it and loved it! And my family will appreciate the Ladyhawke recommendation seeing as they are big D&D fans (I was going to write nerds but refrained…sortof).
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